


Living in a world of exacts

by Subtle_Shenanigans



Series: As The Pendulum Swings, And The Grandfather Chimes [15]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Anxiety, Asperger’s syndrome, Depression, Don’t copy to another site, Gen, OCD, Second person POV, mental differences, neutral vent, psychoanalysis Of sorts, sorta vent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-10-16 03:40:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17541980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Subtle_Shenanigans/pseuds/Subtle_Shenanigans
Summary: Sometimes you feel at an advantage, and other times you feel bound by laws of nature that you can’t break.





	Living in a world of exacts

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been meaning to write this for months now, lol.
> 
> Phil finally uploaded his new vid.
> 
> The countdown for Subnautica: Sub Zero just started.
> 
> I ate two servings of mac’n’cheese in six minutes.
> 
> It’s been a wild day you guys XD.

 

   It’s not always easy. Sometimes you envy the easy flow others have - though ‘envy’ is probably not the write word. You feel wistful, in a way, that you don’t have that fluid flexibility.

    You’re living in a world of exacts.

    Not the “neurotic” you-must-have-a-time-table-for everything sort of precision. That’s not you.

    No, it’s the stability, the _security_ , of knowing what comes next. You plan ahead of time, sometimes three or four steps ahead into your day (though rarely the latter.) You know what few books you want to reread next. What videos. And while it’s no problem to tweak these plans, there’s a stark comfort in keeping it.

    So when the day is laid out before, plans following one another like dominos falling in tandem, you misstep when there’s a sudden change. A domino knocked out of place.

    Your solid tower becomes and unstable game of Jenga.

    And it shakes you to the core, usually. You deal with it, can handle it - but sometimes your chest seizes and there’s no breathing. At least not easily.

    You’ll live. You can deal. But the sudden locking of your body and racing of your mind are always uncomfortable.

    This isn’t the only way - you live in a world of exacts, where facts must be listed out with every detail when questioned, lest you forget something important. Where terms and nuances are set _just so_ , because they _just are_.

      And it throws others into confusion - you’re trying to speak a foreign tongue on a foreign planet, where the language is similar but it’s hard to grasp its exact meanings, or understand the accent.

     Because, if someone asks you how a clock works, how would one explain? _You_ tend to connect the words like the gears inside, shifting one to another, naming their sizes as well as their intentions, unknowing that maybe they just wanted to know if it was gears or battery. That they just wanted a one-word answer, and not the garbled explanation tangling from your lips.

     And that’s okay, you figure.

     It’s frustrating at times, but okay.


End file.
